When we last left our hero, he had entered the lair of the evil SPAM organization, responding to an email with a fake identity (Garrison Kane) to find out more of their dastardly scheme. They responded with another email, this time directing him to contact a courier service in order to collect his fictional prize.

A significant point is that I responded to their first email from a different email address than the one they originally emailed. Their message said that the original email address was randomly selected to receive the 500,000 pounds. I emailed a response from an email address they didn’t have on file. Apparently they’re not very picky as to who receives this supposed prize.

FREE LOTTO AWARD CLAIMS AND RELEASE DEPARTMENT.
GOVERNMENT ACCREDITED LICENSED!!!BRITISH(UK) NATIONAL ONLINE INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY IS REGISTERED UNDER THE DATA PROTECTION ACT OF;(Registration U971133B).

NOTE: The Courier do not accept any deduction or payment after delivery as it illegal and not accepted.

Congratulations once again, on behalf of the FREE LOTTO SWEEPSTAKES ONLINE LOTTERY COMPANY. I wish to inform You that Your won prize and some document has been forwarded to the I.C.S Express Courier Service for delivery.The courier has been our affiliated courier for years and has been helping Us to deliver won checks and document to Our lucky winners.

We do believe that your winnings will be put into good use for community, educational and business development. On Behalf of the Screening Committee of FREE LOTTO SWEEPSTAKES ONLINE LOTTERY COMPANY, I wish to formally announce to you that you have successfully passed the E-mail Screening and Verification Form Matching Test conducted for all online winners in your Category. Hence you are therefore cleared for payment.

All necessary documents that will facilitate the clearance of your cheque in your name has been processed. Your parcel contains the following Documents:

1.WINNING CHEQUE VALUED THE SUM OF (500,000.00G.B.P)
2.WINNING CERTIFICATE FROM THE FREE LOTTO SWEEPSTAKES ONLINE LOTTERY COMPANY.

You are to contact I.C.S Express Courier Service via e-mail for your won prize of (500,000.00G.B.P) with your ORDER NUMBER:TNX20748440 Your Telephone Number and also Your delivery address where you want your parcel to be delivered to. Your WINNING CHEQUE of (500,000.00G.B.P) and all legal document banking your winnings has been sent to our affiliate I.C.S Express Courier Service . You are required to contact the courier officer of I.C.S Express Courier Service for their courier cost of delivery.
***************************************************************

COURIER DELIVER OF YOUR WINNING FUNDS

Central Pk Est/Mosley Rd,
Trafford Park Manchester ,M17 1TT UK

Open 7days-24hrs-365days
Email address: ics.courier.uk@live.com

NAME:Mr. Alex Powell,
(Dispatch Officer)

====================
TEL:+447-035-946-092
TEL:+447-031-981-634
TEL:+447-031-928-676
FAX:+447-031-981-613
====================

May You need my help in any other way? Please, always be free to get back to me via email as our office is also open from Monday to Saturday to attend to Our Winners .

Best Regards,
Claims Agent Manager,
Payment and Release order Department,
FREE LOTTO SWEEPSTAKES ONLINE LOTTERY COMPANY.

Just googling the keywords, “ICS courier scam” or “ICS courier scam” pulls up numerous hits where people document the scam emails they’ve received from this person/group. The strange thing however is how many people mention that they didn’t receive anything at their address after responding. I wouldn’t recommend anyone respond to these emails with any legitimate information.

Notice that they mentioned an order number they wanted me to include. If this were in fact a different person/organization from the one I had been contacting, you would think they might need that number to identify me. Granted that they theoretically could find my order by my name, it would be strange that they’re able to pull up the information that easily because other services tend to not be able to do that (especially if there might be someone else in the system with the same name).

So I responded:

Date: Thu, Dec 4, 2008 at 11:37 AM
Subject: Prize Claim

Hello,

I was referred to you to collect my prize and was told I needed to give you my telephone number and delivery address.

NAME: Garrison Kane
ADDRESS: [redacted]
TELEPHONE NUMBER: [redacted]

I’m very excited to know I have won. Thank you.

Garrison

The part I find the most humorous beyond her general ignorance is this line from her email:“I along with many others tried Linux during college…” Maybe it’s a good sign for technology that Linux is the new lesbianism that girls experiment with in college. I’m guessing she was a L.U.G. – Linux-user Until Graduation.

The original blog post and the follow-up post via Consumerist.

So I received an obvious scam email stating I had won a free lottery a few weeks ago:

Date: Mon, Nov 24, 2008 at 8:24 AM
Subject: You Have Won £500,000.00 Pounds
To: undisclosed-recipients

We wish to notify you that this email address was randomly selected in
our promotional lotto sweepstakes and as a result you have entered into
our free Third Category draws.You have subsequently emerged a winner
and therefore entitled to a substantial amount of(500.000.00 Pounds)which is equivalent
to ($917,956.00 USD).Contact our claims  department below for your claims/winnings. For
further information, kindly confirm receipt of this email,by
forwarding this message to our claims department
CLAIMS OFFICER : Peterson Irving.
Email: ukclaims_dept116@hotmail.com

1.FULL NAMES:_____
2.ADDRESS:_____
3.SEX:_______
4.AGE:_____
5.MARITAL STATUS:_______
6.OCCUPATION:_____
7.E-MAIL ADDRESS:_________
8.TELEPHONE NUMBER:_____________
9. COUNTRY_______

Sincerely,
Mrs Eva Pedro
E-mail: mrs.eva.pedro@gmail.com

Deciding to have a little fun and see how far it could go, I created a dummy email account on Gmail and responded with fake information. If you’re wondering, Garrison Kane is the name of a minor comic book character from the X-Force series by Marvel (image seen above).

From: Garrison Kane <[redacted]@gmail.com>
To: ukclaims_dept116@hotmail.com

Date: Mon, Nov 24, 2008 at 1:18 PM
Subject: Lottery Claim

1.FULL NAMES: Garrison Kane
2.ADDRESS: [redacted]
3.SEX: Mail
4.AGE:35
5.MARITAL STATUS: Single
6.OCCUPATION: Marketing VP
7.E-MAIL ADDRESS: [redacted]@gmail.com
8.TELEPHONE NUMBER: [redacted]
9. COUNTRY USA

---

And now you’re wondering: What dastardly schemes will our intrepid hero face at the hands of the evil S.P.A.M. organization? Will he escape with his wallet intact? Tune in next time to find out. Same SPAM time. Same SPAM channel.

[legal disclaimer: Garrison Kane and Spam are the properties of their respective owners, who happen to not be me. ]

]]>

Warning: condoms are 0% effective against stupidity.

10. Christmas creep begins before Halloween
9. Resolutions you sincerely intend to keep but forget about within two weeks of making them
8. People who insist on saying “Happy Holidays!” to be inclusive of everyone but the people who don’t want to be reminded that it’s the holiday season.
7. People who complain about people who insist on saying “Happy Holidays!” because the country is going to hell for our heathen ways
6. An economy that relies on people wasting money on things they don’t need, or in this case, things other people don’t need either.
5. Putting a snowflake or Christmas tree or a Santa hat on something doesn’t make it festive, just tacky
4. Contemporary covers of Christmas music
3. Getting gifts from relatives that are marginally related to something you once expressed a modicum of interest in because they don’t actually know what you like
2. People dying due to stupidity and greed on Black Friday
1. Traditional Christmas music

Honorable mention: Fruitcake

[Note: conversation edited for brevity and comedic effect]

[Further Note: some links may be NSFW]

Her: there’s an article in the Portland Mercury about a vegan strip club
Me: interesting
do you get to eat tofu off of naked bodies?
Her: From the article: “When one dancer was asked why she didn’t want to work at her current club she said, ‘I can’t stand the smell of smoldering rotting carcasses when I walk by the kitchen. It is totally gross. I’ve been a vegan for three and a half years and I can’t stand the thought of working in a place that serves murder victims on a bun. Working at a club like Casa Diablo Gentlemen’s Club is my dream!’”
um… sounds fake
Me: yeah
oh the irony of a stripper not wanting to work at a place that sells flesh
how many vegans are dumb blondes?
Her: In Oregon? not many… in California, probably lots
that’s what’s so weird. usually in the NW veganism is an ethical decision. where as in California it’s just another fad diet and desperate attempt to lose weight
Me: what’s their website look like?
Her: it’s got flames in the background and pics of scantily clad women
it’s a myspace page
Me: ah
cliche
Her: yeah
unless you read the page carefully you wouldn’t know it’s a vegan strip club. seems to be mostly about the boobz
Me: but they’re vegan boobz
Her: soy-boobz
Me: I find it ironic that men would go to see the glands that consist of fat and that produce milk, neither of which they would consume
Her: actually, many vegans would argue it’s fine to consume human fluids. after all such acts typically don’t involve acts of cruelty
Me: true
except in Germany
Her: Germany?
Me: was referring to the German cannibal who killed and ate the other guy
Her: oh, yeah

[Note: I have nothing against vegans or strippers, just the stupid ones.]

Janella Spears of Sweet Home, Oregon got taken for $400,000 by a Nigerian email scam that promised her millions if she just wired the scammers funds to cover fees and such.

What’s unique about this story is not that Mrs. Spears fell for the scam, as many others have before, but that she fell for it over and over again, even after being warned by her friends, family members, her bank, and law enforcement officials. She finally stopped sending money after the Department of Justice told her it was a scam.

Among the reasons she persisted in sending money despite never seeing a naira back?

The scammers initially claimed that her long lost grandfather had left it for her.

Then the scammers sent official-looking letters stating that President Bush and the Director of the FBI needed her to get the money to prevent the terrorists from getting it.

Between patriotic scam victims and the security experts at the TSA, we should have this War on Terror won by the next millennium!

The article from katu.com via the Consumerist.

Now that I’ve ranted about the stupidity of the DMCA, let’s move onto the stupidity of the people who try to use it to unjustly silence their critics.

DreamHost, a web hosting service, detailed on their blog over a year ago a fun little experience of gross misuse of the DMCA by a malcontent named Michael Crook. I don’t want to steal their thunder since they have a great story to tell, so I recommend you read all about it here.

For the purposes of the post however and for all you lazy readers out there, I’ll run down the important and humorous parts of the story.

Michael Crook went on a Fox News show to discuss an anti-military website he ran. He made an idiot of himself. When other people posted a screen capture of him from the show, some on their DreamHost-hosted sites, Crook sent take-down notices claiming to be the copyright owner of the image to DreamHost. Never mind the fact that Fox News and not Michael Crook owns the rights to images from its show. Never mind the fact that Michael Crook filed these take-down notices fraudulently because he didn’t own the rights. Never mind researching a law and maybe getting a lawyer before you try to pursue legal actions under a law you apparently know little about.

In the end, DreamHost didn’t flinch in the face of insults and threats of being called child molesters by Crook. Crook was then sued by the Electronic Frontier Foundation (aka the good guys when it comes to copyright law) for his abuse of the DMCA. Crook settled the lawsuit and made an apology (which accompanies DreamHost’s post) and best of all, was forced to take a class in copyright law.

You’ve probably all heard of it and you’ve most definitely all violated it, possibly without your knowledge. That’s right, I’m referring the Digital Millennium Copyright Act – a piece of legislative bullshit that continues to frustrate innocent people and amuse copyright violators everywhere 10 years after its initial passage.

What’s stupider than the DMCA’s wording that circumventing copy protection even for legitimate and fair use purposes is illegal is the fact that it doesn’t even apply to the government that is responsible for enforcing it!

BoingBoing reported a few months ago that a court has ruled that the DMCA does not apply to the U.S. Government (meaning the U.S. Government can violate U.S. Copyright Law at will and whim). This is worse than the doctrine of eminent domain because while the government has to give you fair market value for any physical property it seizes for the supposed greater good, it doesn’t have to pay you for the use of your copyrighted materials. The gubberment can just crack your protection and have at it.

Normally content owners and “intellectual property” owners (don’t get me started on the inherent bullshit extent in the term “intellectual property”) are the bad guys when it comes to the DMCA and lawsuits, but in this instance, the U.S. Government is the bad guy.

Wired now reports on several groups and individuals who have filed for exemptions to the DMCA, mostly people who want to make up for deficiencies in the copy protection on particular devices or content. The fact that this law makes it necessary to file for such exemptions is stupid.

A gentleman named Wellington Grey (cool name, eh?) made a slideshow that points out the idiocy of the (il)logic behind the DMCA. Click on the image below to see it.